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Thanks for watching, lovely people! have you been told any of these before? x
Brilliant! You are so eloquent . I think the BBC-should give you your own weekly slot.They are employing more women, racial minority etc etc but not deaf,really intelligent great foresight and Chronically ill!!!
I simply MUST have that hat!
Also, I’m disabled, though not chronically ill (funny how much crossover there is in regards to the issues and silly things people say)
No, Janet. I’m not cancelling on you because I can’t be bothered, I’m cancelling because I’ve been very literally stuck in bed for over a week now.
And it would be nice to have a full time job, that way I wouldn’t be so poor. Also, I’d have been able to finish the law degree I was so proud of getting, and actually put it to use. Now people talk down to me as though I’m a child and not at one point, the very top of my class at uni.
Fun! Though o will say I’m very thankful for my psychologist, who is amazing, and never pulls the “just think positively” like some people do (hi, Dad). When I say I feel hopeless because I’m never going to be able to finish my degree, or work, or own my own home, what does she say?
“Yeah, that sucks. How about we work on small goals that are actually achievable instead of beating yourself up over the things you can’t do”
Now that’s how to do it! None of this “maybe one day” (hello Dad, again). Or “you never know” (again, Dad, leave me alone!). I know he means well, but the last thing I need when I’m being brutally honest about my future prospects is the “things might get better/chin up” talks. Dammit, I just wanted to talk about reality.
Yeah, there’s definitely a LOT of crossover.
I've had other disabled people say these things to me, because even though they have some form of disability themselves, they don't "get" chronic illness. Even people who've gone through things themselves don't believe you when you say yes, I really am in pain ALL the time, and I really am exhausted ALL the time, and no, I can't magically recover just to go out to a restaurant with you! I try to be understanding of what is said and know it (often) comes from a place of love, but it can still really mess up my emotional well-being for a few days, because it feels like confirmation that it's not really that bad at all.
shares on every social media platform ever…twice
My favourite was when someone said they were cured by pregnancy and that I, a born-infertile transgender man, should try it too!
This video really struck me. I have a really bad panic disorder due to parental abuse (which shows itself in a lot of physical symptoms) and I probably know everything hurtful one could say. "Just don't think about it", "You didn't have it bad enough to be THAT ill" are probably my 'favourites'
"stood too close to a seal" I'm dying over this one. How do people even come up with these ridiculous reasons for why I'm ill?
Commenting to boost engagement so Jessica can buy botox!
Thank you. I'm sending this video to all of my friends and family members who – even though they have seen how my life has become so much more narrow than it was previously – still feel the need to tell me how "lucky" I am to get to stay home and not work. They're driving me to drink – which like you I really can't do. So – thanks again. You say it with such panache!
I hate the “have you tried x” ones. It is a pure pet hate. Nah… why would I have tried going to a neurologist for migraine… I really needed your input to that… insightful.
I constantly get told by my parents that I could have it worse. Like when someone comes on tv with cancer or a something equally as horrible that I’m lucky that I have lupus and not what they have…. seriously. I get that I should be greatful that I’m not dying or something but that doesn’t mean I’m not struggling too
Even if it is ‘because Im stressed’ what am I actually supposed to do to solve it. I’m a student and have to work, beyond my own inclination to stress, unless I completely change my entire life I will have stress! Wish I wasnt in pain and always tired thanks!!
I say this all the time but, “What does being sick look like?” I have no idea what sick people look like.
Has lupus“You don’t look sick” Yes I think that’s why they they call it an invisible Illness but that doesn’t make it any less painful
There are no words to describe how much I love this.
Yes it sucks. Pain pain pain and no one can see it! Yes I need a handicap parking tag! No you are not a doctor so leave me alone! You are still a beautiful lady Jessica and thank you for helping those of us with chronic illness.
Why don't you try…….. I usually walk away
Let's see, I've heard: why dont you just file for disability?Why dont you take vitamin supplements?My aunt had something like that and she took these herbs and now she's cured!Why dont you try switching to a keto diet/whole30/high protein/vegetarian diet?If you went to the gym I'm sure you would feel a lot better!You're so pale, you should spend some more time out in the sun!
I'm sure there's more lolI have lupus, Hashimoto's, IgA nephropathy, mixed connective tissue disease, vasculitis and anemia.
Especially needed this today! ❤ thank you jessica
"have you tried yoga?" "you need to try yoga!" "y o g a" okay karen, lemme just pop down to the local yoga class and subsequently dislocate all my joints because the goop that keeps things in their sockets for me is literally just spaghetti. pls. pls for the love of god stop telling me to try yoga
This is such a useful resource – thank you for creating it!
Probably not one of the chronic illnesses you were referring to in your video, but I have a chronic cystitis ever since I was born. And when I tell this to people, some SERIOUSLY have the guts to say "well maybe you should go to a doctor". This makes me just… speechless. What do they expect me to say? "Oh, I haven't thought about that yet! Thanks! Seeing a doctor will DEFINITELY cure my chronic illness instantly.. that I have since birth! And I've DEFINITELY never been to one before because I only have it.. since when again? Ahh, that's right. Only since my birth!" Ugh, I can relate to you on so many levels. I have heard the "have you tried xy" question way too many times. I know they only want to help, but what part of "chronic" is so difficult to understand?
The varying nature of chronic illness and invisible disability is probably the most tedious thing. Some days one is able to go out, do lots of things, maybe even work! But other days, that cannot always be predicted when they will occur, one can only rest in bed or at home, even showering is too much. It is because of this strange nature that many supports are actually fully unavailable and denied. And many a job lost or never gained.
Wish I could send this to my parents hahaaaa sad
It took me nearly 15 years to accept that I am disabled (ME and co-morbidities) but I am a lot happier with myself now than I ever used to be. It does help that my best friends use me like a mood ring – oh, you are sheet white, you must be exhausted! Lol
My mum had the botox for migraines which was followed up by nerve surgery in German and it had a GREAT effect for her. Fingers crossed the outcome is as good for you if/when you try it!
I think I have been told ALL of these things before. Also that if I prayed about it, I would be healed miraculously. That was a fun one.
I have a chronic illness and have heard sooo many of these. These are so annoying!!
You're amazing, Jessica, despite the "Karen" bomb. (xoxox, Karen)
So accurate and now my favourite video
I’m a public librarian and my coworkers and I watch your videos to better understand and serve our disabled patrons (plus vintage obvi) Absolutely love your channel 💙💙
"You look very well" after a 20 minute consultation with a university disability adviser, discussing adaptations so that I wouldn't have to drop out. Wanted to yell ITS AN INVISIBLE DISABILITY
The one I get is: “You look too healthy to have cancer…”
As I've said in the past, we share a lot of the same disabilities. Again Jessica, you've hit the nail on the head with this video. If we both had 1p for every time we heard these things we would be rich. Thank you for making this video.
my insurance approved one round of botox for migraines, then changed their mind on future treatments. the one treatment i did have worked so well my neurologist is fighting with them to get it approved again. they want me to try other meds first, of course the meds they want me to try may kill me because of other meds i have to take but at least they are cheaper…..
The way you say “asshole”…. omg does it make my day! You videos give me life!
I really wish youtube had a super like button!!! YES YES YES, you are so spot on on these. I know people think they're meaning well, but sometimes it's just so annoying, and I end up feeling like I have to defend myself.
Those "it's because" statements are to make the a$$hole feel better. Because if being chronically ill was caused by blueberries or seals they could avoid blueberries and seals and be safe from things they can't control, like being hit by a car or a losing genetic lottery. But when ends up happening in all of those examples is blaming the ill person. That subtle suggestion that this is my fault is both horrible and somewhat internalized.
Jessica: I wish I had the time to educate your arrogant ass…..
Me: Spits coffee laughing
As for the lying on the pavement dying, I have actually been there. I have depression, which my family doesn't even try to understand. Trying to avoid toxic family when you're forced to live with them………impossible.
I'm just coming to terms with the fact that the chronic pain I've been in all my life is apparently NOT normal, and your videos are extremely helpful. Thank you!
I get every single one of those , most days I can't take it other days they make me cry and some day I go back at people.
So funny how people go oh u look better today when ur not .You have just tried so hard to make an effort and just doing that will knock it out of you.
I went to my pain team few weeks ago and they went your doing so well look at you and I broke down and went judging a book by its cover because as soon as I get it the car I'll let me wall down and when I'm at home I'm in my Pjs trying to get through every minute of the day.
I wish I was healthy but I'm not I won't ever be and that ok but the outside world make u feel like your lieing or how can u still be Ill.Even when I have to have ops done I don't get cards or get well soon cause it happened so much, iv given up on so many people now just have the ones who get my illnesses x
Jessica thank you for all your videos YOU always say what others want to x
Great video!! People need to watch this, and think before they speak, then not speak!!
So good. Cracking up in relatability the whole time, haha
I was once told by someone it would be better if I had cancer because I would either be dead or cured by now, great eh?
Well I'll be sending this video to some folks. Thanks, Jessica 😂
I really love these videoes!!! They make me smile, even if I've heard most of these before. Thank you for these fun and educational videos!!!
Jessica you should wear more hats in your videos! I bet you have a lovely hat collection.
lightbulb Standing too close to that seal that one time was the cause of all life's issues…those seals sure are troublesome.
As someone with chronic illnesses who pushes themselves so far until their body gives up, just to please others I really appreciate all your videos stating everything I'm feeling
Great vid! I experience many of these and they're very frustrating, but I've also caught myself doing them to others in the past. Could we maybe have a video on what to say instead? Or anybody else watching got any advice?Like for the forgetfulness example, my instinct is to say "I get that too" or "I understand" just to show sympathy and that I've taken it on board but it often doesn't sound like that when you hear it! But then things like "that must be really difficult" veer into inspiration territory and anything really brief like just an "okay" sounds like you don't believe them!! I understand there's no correct script that works for Every Disabled Person (I am one myself!) but having a few ideas as starting points would be wonderful 🙂
I'm struggling with my mental health lately, but your lovely videos are helping me get through my difficult evenings. Thank you Jessica ❤️
I really needed this, thank you Jessica! <3
The "I wish I didn't have to work" thing drives me INSANE because I put myself through a grueling full time college and full time work schedule for 7 years to get a degree I could use to find employment or pursue a PhD and even though I was disabled then, I was sort of making it. I was pushing through. Then I got hit by an idiot in a truck and my life went straight to hell and now I'm not sure if there will ever be a place for me economically. All I wanted was a job where I could be fulfilled intellectually, and I put in more work than a lot of people to try and get one.
Life has never been kind to me and every time people act like I chose the state I'm in I die a little bit more.
Let's just say we spoons didn't win the genetic lottery 🙂
Gawd, I've heard every one of these! It's the worst. Thank you for making this video!
Me: is gen z with chronic illness My boomer gran: it’s because your always on your damn phone
Thank you so much for posting this! I have a chronic illness that is very often dismissed for reasons beyond me. Whenever I have asked somebody to stop smoking near me because it triggers my asthma, I have had people tell me it doesn’t do that. Or they say that they know somebody with it who is fine with them smoking. And shockingly I have ended up on steroid pills as a result of this being ignored. 🤦♀️ I’m tired of people saying they know about my illness when they know barely anything about it.
sassy Jessica is back and IM HERE FOR IT
I’ve always been a big fan of the “you must have been a horrible person in your past life to deserve this chronic pain” and yes I️ have been told this from an ex’s grandmother
As a non-native English speaker, "are you better" doesn't sound to me like "are you cured yet" It's more like "oh you couldn't get out of bed yesterday, are you feeling better enough today to get out the house for a brief walk" Obviously the tone and context play a massive role Correct me if I'm wrong in this interpretation
This is gonna be the only answer I give to ignorant comments about my health from now on. THANK YOU
So many important points, but all I can focus on – what lipstick are you wearing? It's amazing 😍
Your hat is beutiful! Your whole vintage aesthetic is lovely!
The amount of times I’ve had someone say “you don’t look sick!” So. Many. Times. It’s very ANNOYING. 😂
Just exactly what I needed to hear…thanks Jessica!
I thoroughly enjoyed watching this video, and, being married to someone with a chronic illness, I can well identify with everything you talk about in the video, because we've heard all the same 'well meaning' comments, and feel exactly the same as you about them. You will note that I say 'we', and it very much IS 'we', because I find these kind of comments equally as hurtful as my wife does, even though I'm not the chronically ill one. I imagine your own wife probably feels very similar too. Do please realise you're NOT alone, even though you most likely feel as though you are most of the time. There are lots of other people who, even though their illnesses are not as serious as yours, will be sharing many of your feelings. As a full time carer, I find your videos to be a total inspiration, and you help ME to muddle through things, even though I'm not the ill one in my wife and my partnership.
Not super video related, but… relatedHad worst brain fog day in… idk how long, my brain loses things… yesterday, and ended up hiding in a closet to cry at work cause it sounded better than sobbing in a bathroom stall. And if you cry at your desk with brain fog, well meaning teammates ask "what's wrong?" and apparently "I can't remember" isn't an acceptable answer.But I turned on your channel, and let videos play at random, and video after video you kept calling me a lovely person, and telling me it would get better, it always gets better, the extra bad day ends… and it helped, beyond words it helped, so, just… thank you for existing.Thank you for sending love and positivity and laughter into the universe for me to find.You are the loveliest of people.
"Are you canceling on me again?!" that one gets to me the most.. I have lost so many friends because I cancel to much. I would LOVE to be out of the house more and I feel awful for canceling. Being stuck inside isnt as fun as it sounds lol
Thank you for making this video it made me laugh and I am so sharing it ha
I always love a healthy dose of Jessica snark! Bring it on! This is a great video!
Type 1 diabetic in for roll call! Thank you!
Thank you. Just thank you. I had a horribly shit day and this was just what I needed. Some understanding. Fucking thank you.
I do have intractable migraines and am disabled because of them. I also have a son who is in a loving gay relationship and he is very happy. I just love you Jessica.
The one that annoys me the most are people who refuse to believe there isn't a cure for my illness. If there was a cure, wouldn't I be doing it? I would like to work and volunteer and know that my errands will be done. I'm not being willfully ignorant or stubborn about a cure so that I can almost never get out of bed.
The school people be like “mAyBe iF yOu cAmE tO sChOoL mOrE” like ye bc I wANT a screwed up endocrine system and want to live w/ constant pains and fatigue how fun
That was absolutely bang on! Worst of all, I hate people saying "Get better soon!" Erm…..it's a CHRONIC ILLNESS. It's not going to get better like stomach ache!!! Anyway, thanks for being so awesome 😀
I hate people who thinks we're faking by being disabled. No, we are not, well, most people. In the USA, Social Security Disability aka SSD are cracking down disability fraud. Most people pretend to be disabled so they can collect SSD checks every month. Because they don't want to work. I would love to work but my chronic back pain preventing me not to do any work. I have spondylitis in my lower back pain along with spasms. Sometimes it can radiates down to right toes. Also, I have osteoarthritis in lumbar 4,5, 6, s1 and SI joint area (Right side). I do take pain and muscle relaxer medications. Did it helps? Sometimes, I have good and bad days.
People who are not disabled don't realize how much trouble/ pain/ illness we are going through on a daily basis. We called invisible disability.
I'll never forget the time a guy on metro questioned why I was holding my book so close. I explained that I was low vision and blind in one eye. After asking me if I'd seen a doctor (!!) he said "Wow, better you than me!"
Twice in the past 48 hours I had strangers ask "What did you do to your arm?" while out shopping and using my gutter crutches.I was ASTOUNDED at how intensely wrong they were in the span of just a few words. The crutches are for my arthritic leg/hip, not my ARM. If my ARM hurt, why would I put all my weight on it??🙃Also, I loathe the implication that I gave arthritis myself somehow. "What did you do to yourself?" is the comment I get the most, and thus it is my least favorite. Im thinking of carrying business cards that say 'Don't say rude things to disabled people' lol!
I have people still ask me when i'm going to get better from ADHD,Chronic Depression+Anxiety, a learning disorder, and Dwarfism. Gets annoying hearing "Oh I know you can reach that!" and "You just need to EXERCISE(My physical body and my brain) MORE so you can GROW." When i'm an adult who's been done growing years before most people have.
Bahaha these points are both so incredibly accurate and hilarious at the same time. I found myself yelling YES OMG at the screen. Lol. After 17-18 yrs of chronic illness symptoms, ugh, I'm pretty sure I've heard it ALL. 🙄 It can really get annoying. Some people say it not meaning anything or trying to be supportive and not realizing they're not being. Other people truly are being assholes. Those people make me wanna stab em in the eye and then say, "walk it off" when they scream. 😑😤
Also, in regards to "you could do it yesterday, why can't you do it today?"…I very likely can't do it today BECAUSE I did it yesterday and now have to recover.
Love everything about this. The "I'm willing to try anything" comment is highly relatable.
I too have fallen from the grace of the light and unintentionally being annoying. Therefore, I apologize.
Thank you so much for making this video. I was recently diagnosed with severe arthritis in my back, hips and knees and it will progress until one day when I’m in a wheelchair but on those rare days when I’m not in too much pain and can get around a little bit people will say things like I thought you were sick or when did you get better and I have to say it gets very annoying and I feel worse. Love all your videos and thank you and stay strong and beautiful.
I've been taking aimovig for migraines. It has been a lifesaver. Not sure if it's in the UK yet, but if it is, it has high success rate, and I think it's worth a try. I have Marfan Syndrome, and my neurologist thinks my migraines may have to do with that.
I wish I could work like a normal person.
I don't think I've ever heard Jessica say arsehole before, so we must be at PEAK LEVEL frustration.
"I wish I didn't have to work"Yeah it's so fun feeling like I have no purpose and am just a drain on society 😀I work 2 hours a day, 5 days a week (I work in a month what most my friends work in ONE week) and it's all I have and I force myself to go even when I probably shouldn't because if I lose this job I will cry because it's the only time I leave the house and my only feeling of purpose 😊😊😊😊
Oh my goodness this is fantastically accurate! I've shared it on my Facebook wall. I'm sure no one will watch it, because no one cares… But thank you for making this awesome video! Much love from Australia xo
"If you stop (insert 'bad habit' here) you'll get better" as told by my husband.
I have adhd, anxiety and depression…. The adhd in particular is particularly severe as well. Just because I can push myself too hard and hide it sometimes doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, and no not everyone “is a little adhd” because it’s a disability for a reason!!!
I love this so much!
Literally got told yesterday “i love how committed to being lazy you are” Now I’m stuck in bed today because I’m stubborn and wanted to prove that I’m not lazy
Yes. Yes and yes. And your lipstick is also spectacular.
YES, you hit the nail on the head!!! I want to say the same things to people!!! And I have no filter, so I do. Love you!
Because of the get up and go society we live in it took me much longer than it should to accept that I was physically disabled and to start using walking aids. Before that I would push myself to take long walks everyday in order to be healthier, now I struggle to walk down my 3m garden path without loosing balance. I do wonder if I wouldn't be as bad now if I hadn't pushed myself so hard before.
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